oh boy

I never imagined I'd be a 'boy mom.' When I was little, I always saw my adult self married with a daughter and a son. That's how the typical, All-American dream looks, right? I think it's normal to imagine this nuclear family model, as it's what we see everywhere we look in the media.

When I found out Simon was a boy, I was happy to be giving Eric a son. I think on some level many men want a son to carry on the family name, and many women want to grant this dream for their partners. I know this is not true for all couples who plan a family, but it was how I felt. I also felt that I'd be more nervous to try for Number 2 wanting a daughter so badly. While I love Simon immensely and wouldn't change a thing about him, it was hard seeing three friends of mine have baby girls just months within my giving birth to my boy, not to mention the handful of friends who already had older daughters and no sons.

This time around is like deja vu. I have five friends pregnant with girls while I'm pregnant with my second boy, and Jordon and Brianna have already had their daughter, Allison. Again, I am surrounded by a sea of pink and alone in my bubble of blue. The love I already have for Wesley is extraordinary, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that being excluded from the girl crowd hurts. It's like this cool club that I'm not allowed to join for some reason, never destined for bows and lace and a greater clothing and accessory selection at every single children's store known to man.

Maybe I won't be a "boy mom" forever. I honestly have no idea if we will have another child; I really don't know if I'll want to be pregnant again. And of course, having a third baby leaves no guarantees for a baby girl. What I do know, however, is that I'll love my boys tremendously and will do everything I can to have close, meaningful relationships with them forever. After all, they say that the first girl a boy will love is his mama.